Laid to Rest
by JayJe
Summary: There are a lot of things Merlin wishes his destiny didn't cause, Morgana was one of them. Written to the Mergana Prompt Party on tumblr.


**Written for the Mergana Prompt Party on tumblr. The prompt was magic. Somehow I got this.. It will be better if you read "Bliss" by my partner, Caught Ink Handed. They connect somehow. Her's is the Morgana viewpoint, this is the Merlin viewpoint. **

**Enjoy!**

**Laid to Rest**

Merlin fumbled with a pebble from the side of Avalon's lake. His fingers idly caressing the smooth surface. As he stood at the edge of the lake, his thoughts remained only on the recent events. The past few days had been important; too important to simply forget. His entire life was made solely for today's events. He had been guided toward his destiny - this destiny - since he was born. Everyone he came across depended on him to save Arthur. Without Arthur there would be no magic allowed to be brought back into Camelot. It was his destiny to make sure Arthur lived long enough to bring magic back.

Merlin's fingers pushed the pebble into the palm of his hand as he gripped the rock before throwing it harshly into the lake's silent waters. So many ripples from such a small pebble; so much of a burden weighing heavily on such a small man.

He failed.

It hurt to admit it even to himself, but Merlin had failed. He was destined to protect Arthur, the King of Camelot, but mostly his friend. Ten years of secrecy and sorcery and it accomplished him nothing except death. He sacrificed too many ambitions only to be met with heartache. Heartache from lying to his friends, heartache from watching others suffer, but mostly heartache from watching those around him die. Dying because of a destiny he couldn't accomplish.

Will.

Lancelot.

Freya.

And now Arthur.

But mostly he failed to protect Morgana. She died years before - long before today. Today she was just a shell of the woman she was before. The woman he could talk with, laugh with, smile with, but he still couldn't save her. He failed her when he didn't help her. He was too focused on his own destiny that he failed to help her before it was too late.

It wasn't until later, when she was hellbent on destroying Uther and taking the throne, that he realized that she was too far gone to be saved. His Morgana died and his feelings for her died with her. Someone else replaced her when she returned to Camelot. She wasn't Morgana, Ward of the King, she was Morgana, High Priestess of the Old Religion.

And he killed her when he poisoned her and handed her over to Morgause.

Merlin took a deep breath and released it slowly. The tension slowly left his shoulders and he relaxed. He took one last look at the lake and turned back toward the forest - back toward Camelot.

* * *

Dawn came slowly for Merlin. He had walked all day away from the lake yesterday. When the sun had gone down and it became too dark for him to see, he settled himself at the base of a tree. He tried to sleep for a few hours but he only saw his failed destiny. So instead he closed his eyes to rest while waiting for the sun to rise.

When the sun finally rose, Merlin picked himself up from the ground and continued his travel back to his home.

After about an hour's walk, the scenery around him began to seem familiar. He recognized the area from yesterday.

This is where he killed Morgana.

He walked past a few more trees before he saw her. She was just laying there, untouched, uncared for in the middle of nowhere. When he reached her body, he squatted down to get a closer look at her.

His left arm reached out and the pads of his fingertips softly touched the top of her hand. His fingers gently moved to intertwine with her fingers.

Then he looked up toward her face. Her skin started to look more transparent, more dead, than before. And her eyes were still open. They were hollow as they stared past him absently, but they were no more hollow than the woman who was lost from love when she was alive. The only difference between her eyes now and then was that now they were empty of the hate and vengeance they held before. Now her eyes were calm instead of wild, serene instead of deadly. Now she looked at peace.

He used his index finger and his thumb to gently close her eyes. Then he pushed the strands of hair from her forehead and smoothed them down.

Then he stood up and looked around him. The forest was full of life. There were trees and birds everywhere, but Merlin only had one goal in mind. He wandered until he found a batch of wildflowers. He picked a handful and made his way back to Morgana. He rested them around her so that she was surrounded by flowers, even if there weren't that many.

Then he went back to where he was before and knelt next to her. His hand caressed the side of her face. He took the pad of this thumb and brushed it over her lips.

Soft. Just like he always imagined.

"I blame myself for what you became." This time he whispered the words. There was less resent than before and more guilt instead. "I'm sorry, Morgana."

He leaned forward and placed a soft, but firm kiss to her forehead.

When he pulled back, Merlin's lips turned slightly upward.

This is where he killed Morgana.

And this is where he put her to rest.


End file.
